Ouch! I stepped on stage and I got booed.

I've wrangled with the thought about writing this. Should I, or should I not? Well, I decided if I write about positive reviews, I'm allowed to write about negative reviews, too, right?
Particularly if it smells extraordinarily strong of 'let's see if she can take it'. Please don't get me wrong, it's not a complaint; I knew that with my constant bashing of the self-published books that failed to make me sit up, I was ripe for some payback. And it happened. Finally.
I'm aware there is some sabotaging of self-published books going on, and I've been 'victim' of that beforehand when my books were tagged inappropriately, but I confronted the culprit and he apologised, saying something got on his nerves that day, then removed the tag. Never had any beef with that guy, but he obviously didn't know how else to get rid of his frustration and targeted me.
This time, someone has left a review on one of my books. Something I said would happen. And since I mention No Wings Attached in the recently released rant, it was the one that got picked. Despite it looking like an honest review, it ticks quite a few boxes for me to suspect payback.
1. It's not a verified purchase and I haven't sold any on Smashwords, and very few on Amazon.
2. It uses the same wordings I use in Rage against the Indie
3. The person hasn't reviewed any books, bar one, then quickly wrote a few on the same day as my review came in.
4. The person claims to have turned the pages (presumably until the end), but complaints about no paranormal/supernatural happenings. (The wish consultant is not the supernatural human being I refer to in the pitch.)
5. The review was immediately voted as helpful, despite my not promoting the book a lot. All other reviews have suddenly been marked as unhelpful. Nobody had ever bothered with them beforehand. At least not the newer ones.

Here's the review:

I dicovered this title through the 'customers who viewed this item, also viewed..' sector on a novel I was interested in, and I foolishly chose this one. The only reason I'm giving this novel two stars and not one is because I was drawn in by a comfortable writing style and interesting premise. This, however, was a lie. The storyline went downhill so fast that I was tearing my hair out and begging the characters to stop cooking and talking and just start doing something. *Anything*. But I was sorely disappointed when the main two characters did little more than um and ah about their feelings. Okay, that's fine. I can expect little else from a romance, after all. Too bad about the use of the words 'supernatural powers' in the description. Highly misleading, considering there is nothing super about a guy who grants the odd wish, but there you go.
I can overlook a terrible plot. This novel was crafted in an interesting way, following Celia and Tom as narrators by giving them both a voice every few pages or so. But wait, who am I reading about? Yes, it says the narrator at the start of their narration, but what if a reader leaves partway through a chapter? Are we to go back to the start? You'd think that the characters would be easy to tell apart. That their voices would be different. No chance. They might as well be the same person, which shows a serious lack of perspective from this author.
Moving on. I could write about every flaw of this novel, bit that would most probably take longer than the production of No Wings Attached. Instead, I'll move onto the most infuriating aspect; punctuation. There is a massive overuse of commas, and they were so extreme that I actually threw my kindle down in frustration multiple times, unable to read on. It made me read in a very disconnected way and, coupled with poor sentence structure, I was made to feel as though I was reading in an unfamiliar language. Words had been dumped out of order, commas littered each sentence, and typos would crop up unexpectedly.
Please heed my warning. My rating really is too kind, as I have never before read something as terrible as this. I feel cheated. The premise promised something that was never delivered. The only reason I kept turning pages was to ensure my money wasn't wasted, but I can say now that it was. More importantly, my time was wasted, and a small chunk of sanity was lost along the way.

To be honest it raised merely a grin, but shows that how the Indie scene really is. Readers complain (rightly so) about fake praise, and this is the other end to the debacle: fake slagging off books. It can do massive harm. Even though readers say they can tell a fake negative review, I'm not sure one can always distinguish. In the case of No Wings Attached, you just need to read the other reviews to get your clues and write something up. I also have an idea who this person might be, because the voice sounds familiar.

Just to be clear: I'm not offended. I am bold with my view on self-published books and I've made some enemies along the way. You've got to bleed if you want to win a battle.

A quick plea: DO NOT act on the review. Don't go and attack the person, don't vote unhelpful, don't do anything, please. I'm not complaining, it's not a whiny post, it's just a matter-of-fact-post. I blog about self-publishing and the Indie scene behind the scenes, and this is just an example. I'm sure there will be more coming my way, at least I know my writing's not the reason.

On days when you need a smile ...

... a reader comes along and helps you make it happen.

My short story collection 5-Minute Tea Break Stories is the only book I haven't sent out for reviews. I had it free for three days, though, and one person who downloaded it left me the following review:

This is a collection of short stories written with great wit and style. Ms Deleuze is often irreverent and campy, but also can be very deep and thoughtful. Her stories run the gamut from loss to triumph, and frequently leave you wondering at the outcome. She has a beautiful poetic voice that makes you look at everyday occurrences in a new light.

I think it is a wonderful review and I'm still marvelling at the 'poetic voice'. Thank you, Shirley (mountainmana). I'm happy to have made you happy.

In the spirit of sharing: here's a small excerpt of my upcoming novel. The rewriting is taking a little longer than expected as the educational rant sidetracked me, but I hope to have this book done by end of this year.

Contraryto yourexpectationsyoudon'tmanagetosleep.Afteryou'vesentthee-mail, youhadanotherlookather interactions with others on Novelsite.Someguyssenthercompliments,wereflirtatious.Heranswerswere ascharmingasusual.You are unsurewhereitallcamefrom,but havingreadthoseexchangestriggers yourdesiretogooutandhavesomecompany.Thoughit'slate,youknowaplacethatisopentill early in the morning.Youshutdownthecomputeranddepart.

Fifteenminuteslater,youarriveatthebar.Whenyouenter,theownerlooksupfromthenewspaperhe'sreading.Younodintohisdirectionandtakeaseatatthebar.Hepoursyouascotch.Evenifyoudon'tcomeoften,heknowsyourdrink.Youneverspeaktoeachother; sincethatoneeveningyoudrankfartoomany,it'snotnecessary.Hewouldn'tstartaconversation,neitherwouldyou.Thatparticulareventshowedyouhavenocommongroundandyouendedupfrustratedaboutexplainingeverystatement. It'squietinhere,youthink.Unusualfortoday.Aglancearoundcountsninepeople,includingyouandthebarman.Agirlsitsbyherselfinthecorner,reading.Herredbobframeshercountenance,makingherstrongfeatureslooklikeapieceofart.Asifshefeelsyourstare,sheliftsherhead.Inthedimmedlightyoucan'tmakeoutwhatshe'sreading,butthefactthatshesitsherealoneonaFridaynight,holdingabook,makesherinterestingenough. Shesmilesatyou.Herfartooperfectlipsrevealasetofwhiteteeth.Youknowit'srude,butyoucan'tholdhergaze.Ashamed,youlookaway and into yourglass. Whenyoutakeasip,yousensehereyesscanningeachinchofyourbody. Anothersip.Itfeelswarm,comfortablywarm.Slow,butconfidentfootstepsonthewoodenfloor.Youlistencarefully,yourgriptightens.Five,six,seven,eight.Then,theystop.Thescentofflowery,expensiveperfumepenetratesyournostrils.

'Could I have another Chardonnay, please.'sheaddresses the owner.Hervoicesurprises.It'snothinglikeyouthoughtitwouldbe.Muchdeeper—notdispleasing,though.Afaintaccentgivesawayshe'snotanative.Itsoundsinviting.She then turns to you.

'You'rewaitingforsomeone?'

'I wish,' you reply with a smile.

'Wouldyoumindmesittinghere?'Withoutwaitingforananswershelaysdownherbookandtakesaseat.Itsauthorisno-oneforeigntoyou.Awell-knownphilosopher—yourfavourite.Youtrytohideyourexcitement.Thiswillbeinteresting.

Yes! I received my first 5-star review

For Candlelight Sinner, that is. And even better news is that the reader seemingly enjoyed the book, because she gave it the highest rating, which is wonderful. I'm still trying to bring across that the book might be labelled as paranormal romantic comedy, but it's far more urban and chick lit than paranormal. Think Charmed, and there aren't even demons in my book.

Anyway, here's what the reader said:

Candlelight Sinner is easy to read and a good book to take on holiday.

It is written in the first person. You view the events through the eyes of the two main characters, Tom and Celia. The only downside is that if go back to the book after a break you need to read a sentence (or two) until you know who you are and get back into the story again.

One is an angel and the other is part light side and part dark side. The dark side try to get Celia to go completely over to them whilst she is developing her relationship with Tom, who is in trouble for romancing someone who is half dark side. Celia also has human friends and she tries to hide the supernatural events which occur.

A light enjoyable read.

And you call yourself a reviewer?

Did I get your attention? Good. Now you might want to make yourself a cuppa and take a seat. It won't be a minute.
First I'd like to say that I don't include all reviewers; it's merely about a trend I observed and don't approve of.

Ready? Okay, then my rant starts now. With self-publishing, a new trend has evolved: self-acclaimed reviewers who will read and 'review' self-published authors' books. Now I'm certainly all for it, it helps to get the word out there and it's also often balm for the author's soul. If done right, that is. Since I'm self-published myself, I went on the hunt for a few so-called reviewers. What I found shocked me. Many state in their policies they won't post reviews for books with less than three stars. wooden spoons, tanks, monkeys -- whatever they use for their ratings. I find that rather peculiar, if I'm honest. Many say they will e-mail the author the exact reasons as to why they won't post a review. My bet is that many of those authors rub their little hands, happy they got away, ignore the reasons and carry on with promotion. What I don't understand is why people still believe a review is for the author. It's not. It's for the potential new reader to see if it's for her or for him. Surely the author benefits from a review; if it's positive they'll stick it on their blog (I do), if it's negative and packed with constructive comments, they hopefully learn and crack on with the correction.
Surely, opinions differ and sometimes people just don't like the book. Happens.

But why the fear of posting something negative? I mean as authors we should edit and polish our books to the point that the story flows with no holes or inconsistencies, the grammar and punctuation is up to a certain standard and the formatting is correct. If a book doesn't reach that standard, I find, readers should be made aware. With pressing the publish-button, an author hands over the book to the public and with it puts it into the limelight which may or may not result in negative feedback. Of course we are delicate souls, but we also ask people to pay money for our humble scribblings and not to forget, ask them for their time. Especially reviewers' time. It's lovely from reviewers not wanting to hurt anyone, but it's also a bit dishonest. As a reader I don't click on a review blog to have recommendations only, I click on a review blog to make up my mind. And I want to know the truth. If I only find positive reviews and recommendations, I don't know if I can take this blog seriously. To me that's not a review blog, it's a blog of a reader who recommends some books. That's an entirely different animal.

If a reviewer doesn't like the character or storyline or maybe the writing as much, fine. I didn't like the bestseller One Day, not one bit of it. Tried twice, then threw it across the room. As long as one can give valuable reasons, there's no point of not telling the world. I'm not asking to tear a book apart, but to post the negative as well. Or change your blog name to reader's picks or something like that. A reviewer is someone who gives an objective opinion of the book he or she's been given. Selecting only the positive, I find, won't earn you credits in the long run.
Authors don't need protection, they know full well what they're doing. Well, mostly.
It's the readers who need protection. Protection of those books that 'reviewers' find too crappy to even post.

Take Big Al, for instance, a great reviewer who knows he does and is not afraid to post negative feedback. As a result he has a queue from here to the moon and back, having to recruit more people who know what they're doing.

And since we're at it, I need to get somthing else off my chest: if you don't know how to review, don't do it at all. I had so-called reviewers spoiling the plot of my book, I had reviewers who anticipated hot and raunchy sex-scenes in my paranormal romantic comedy and I had a few who didn't even have a clue what conflict means in a novel. If you want to call yourself a reviewer, learn how to do it first.
Know the genre, don't spoil the plot and most of all: be honest and constructive.

Now if that's not food for thoughts, I don't know. What I certainly know is that I'll go on quite a few of black lists after this. Time to open the Champagne, right? Just kidding.

Have a nice Sunday.