Writing is for masochists

There wasn't a day in the past three months I didn't feel like banging my head against the wall. Hard. If you saw me complaining and whining on Facebook or Twitter, you can now click the top right corner: it's the dreaded thriller again.
For weeks I'd not come up with a decent plot line. My first idea was to have a book in a book; a character writing about it all which would have been revealed in the end, but my friend smashed it immediately saying, nope, I hate that. And I see where she's coming from. It's like the whole book being a dream. Not good. It caused me a lot of grief, because I couldn't come up with anything realistic, believable, something which would be a smooth outline or suspenseful which has the reader turning the pages. As with my short fiction, I like to keep a surprise for the end. I must admit, this was a tough one. I'm not normally a plotter, but for this book, I started with the torture scenes first, then with some other scenes and I had to think of a way to combine them to make a story. When I couldn't come up with anything decent, I was ready to give up. To me it's important that the story is neat, that I can make the reader believe it could happen, that the it's real. The editor in me is always looking over my shoulder, slapping me if I try to venture off the roads.
It's the first time I really struggle with a book and I even questioned myself: Am I really a writer. To me the answer is no. Or maybe yes, but perhaps I'm not so much a story teller. One of those who bursts with stories. I don't. Though I certainly have quite a few more stories to tell, it's not like I can't write fast enough to get them all out. But then, is it important? I write stories people enjoy, that's what writing is all about. At least to me, it is.
I love a challenge, but wondered if this one isn't a bit too much for me. People kept telling me they believed in my talent and that I will finally find a solution, but I started to get more and more frustrated. My perfectionism being a bully. So much, that I almost decided to give up on that book and continue with the next one I have in the queue. Funnily though, I quit a lot of things in my life, but when it comes to writing, I'm rather determined. And it paid off. I finally made it, I have a plot I'm happy with and will continue to write. Hope it's all worth it, but that's for the readers to decide when the book's finished.

To all of you who let me whinge and howl, thank you for your encouragement. You know who you are.

In the meantime, I've also continued to write on the second book of funny shorts, stay tuned. :-)

Happy weekend, everyone.

To review or not to review?

When I started out with self-publishing, I promised myself to review every book I buy and read, simply because I knew every authors yearns for reviews. Now, I came to the conclusion that it's better to not do it anymore. The point is, and I know I'll be making enemies by saying this, I've tried a few self-published books and soon switched on my editin- programme in my head, which is a bad sign, really. Of course, being an editor has somewhat destroyed the ability to just read and take in the story, I will admit that. A book must be really well-written, with well-developed characters, a complex story with no holes in them and logical.
If a book fails to fulfil that, I will stop reading and move on to the next. Others might not see those mistakes, but I do. Not saying I've written the perfect book, but moving away from me being an author, to me being a reader, I have high expectations and rightly so. I did have those beforehand and I have stopped reading traditionally published books in the past, but not that many.

My first impulse is to e-mail the author and tell him or her about my concerns, but then you have cases like the infamous author, who couldn't take criticism and hell broke loose. Further on, it's not my responsibility to give constructive criticism; I'm a reader, by buying the book and spending time with it, I've fulfilled what can be expected from me.

Back to me being an author again I feel a little bit in a pickle; if I give a negative review, I might be in danger of getting one in return, just for revenge, or when I give a positive review - despite my dislike of the book - I'd lie and I don't like lying.

In addition to that, pure readers check out the reviewers of a book and indie authors reviewing other indie authors is widely understood as cheating. People automatically assume it's a review exchange. I will also not tell an author anymore that I've bought his or her book, in case I don't like it, I can just walk away, silently, but if I really love a book, I'll be there to support it. And that's a promise.

Disclaimer: I'm an editor for plot and character development, also for dialogue attributes, not for grammar. Although I might correct the odd errors there, too. :-)