What is 'conflict' in a novel?

I need to get something off my chest here. Since I'm a published author I sent my books out to reviewers. Either to pure readers or to sites that specialise in reviews. Though I'm very lucky, certainly super relieved and proud to have received excellent reviews for both of my books, one thing left me puzzled a few times: a few reviewers of No Wings Attached mentioned that the conflict could have come earlier, one would have to read very far to get to it. With all due respect; I hasten to disagree.
The conflict is that Tom, being a non-human wish-consultant, is not allowed to fall in love with his very human client Celia. He constantly walks a thin line and she's got no clue. The ramifications for him developing emotions are unknown. I think that's a pretty huge conflict, one might beg to differ, but that's the whole concept of the book and I'm really confused how people cannot see it.

After a bit of thinking I came to the conclusion that people just misunderstand the concept of 'conflict'. It's said you have to have one in your book; many readers/writers/reviewers seem to think it means to have a big argument/fight between characters. That's certainly a form, but not what I refer to.

Here are a few examples of conflict:

• Married women falls in love with another guy


• Married husband develops a crush on another man, finds out he's gay.


• Prison psychologist falls for inmate


• Teacher falls for pupil


• Boss falls for employee


• Raped woman falls pregnant and wants to keep the child, others disagree


• Very religious person falls in love with an atheist

Now the not so easy to see conflicts:

• Woman has trust issues after abusive past


• Boy starts to go off the rails after parents die in accident


• Girl loses her sight and has to learn to adapt


• Man finds out the wife is cheating he has troubles to come to terms with it


• Main character learns about terminal illness


• Loner meets someone and struggles with his being withdrawn, trying to break free

Fight scenes and arguments are not the conflicts any editor refers to, they are merely the results of the actual conflicts.

Make your dialogue sound natural

For many authors it's a nightmare: writing dialogue. Whilst describing a scene is reasonably simple for many, when it comes to dialogue they struggle. It often sounds stilted, not natural, just not like someone would speak.
We create characters with different looks and personalities, so they need to sound adequate to their description. A young and trendy person should have a vocabulary that suits his or her age, same goes for the elderly woman who loves to gossip, or the shy nerd, who's rather afraid to open his mouth and speak. There are loud, boisterous guys, shrieky girlies and witty women, strict teachers, etc. you get the picture. Each character should have their own set of vocabulary as well as quirks to speak.

How to create them, those individual stamps you can stick on your character?

Well, by observing, by listening. If you are in the supermarket, don't dream away at the till, don't concentrate too much on what you need to buy, listen. Real life is where you get your inspiration from.
On the bus or on the train, don't drown the chatter with your iPod. Listen to how people interact with each other, whether it's a funny topic or something serious, some will talk so loud on their phones, you get a lot of material.
Use contractions if it's a modern novel.
Very important is to stick to how your characters speak.

I've got Emily, for example, who always answers the phone with "Hey, hon, how's things?" when she knows Celia calls.

Of course the correct version would be: how are things, but I'm using the colloquial version. That's how people speak in real life.

Depending on the situation your character is in, you need to adapt the dialogue, a person would normally not talk to their company director the same as they would with their friends.

It also helps a lot if you open the dialogue with a visual. By that I mean your character laughs, cries, looks sad, makes a face, frowns, throws arms up, claps hands, etc. We all use our whole body when having a conversation, if not consciously, then certainly unconsciously. Body language is part of a dialogue, too.

He pops his head into her office. "Do you have a moment?"
She leans back and crosses her arms in front of her chest. "I thought I made myself clear?"
"It won't take long." 
She shrugs. "You've got one minute."
With a sigh he lowers himself into the seat opposite her.

We immediately have an image pop up in our head.

And here's a small section from my novel that concentrates on dialogue:
"No, I haven't lied to you. Not all the way through. It's –"
"So, you did lie to me then?"
"No, I kept something from you I'm not allowed to tell you." He breathes out loudly."Oh, why is this so damn difficult?"
"What is difficult, Tom?"
"Everything, I really don't know where to start."
"How about the beginning?" I say.
"I'm afraid."
"Of what?"
"That you might hate me," he whispers.
"I won't hate you, Tom. I just want to know the truth."
"I love you."
"You mentioned that."
"Do you love me, Celia?"
"I don't think it's relevant now."

Because it's two people speaking I don't use 'he said, she said' all the time. That way it's much snappier.

If you have difficulties with dialogue attributes see the following posts:

Dialogue attributes part 1
Dialogue attributes part 2
Dialogue attributes part 3