Sweet & Sour Lentils gone wrong

Recently, luck walked out on me, and in a hurry to get away it must have stumbled over the cable of my fridge freezer, pulling the plug. When I came home with a bag full of shopping, I found the food in my freezer defrosted and had to throw away quite a bit, the rest is going to be used in a cooking marathon over the next few days.
Today, I decided to use the bacon and duck breast; to go with it, I thought sweet & sour lentils would be a great idea. And as I'm a bit of a Blumenthal, always trying new things, I added apples to the lentils.
Here's the thing: if you ever have people coming round your house and you want it to be their last visit here's the recipe that'll make sure of it:


I used: 
soaked green lentils
half a red onion (chopped)
three slices of smoked bacon (diced)
a small apple (chopped)
a far too generous amount of vinegar (it wasn't on purpose, I swear)
an equally good amount of honey to make it look like you know what you're doing
vegetable stock

Sweat the onions and bacon in some oil, add the lentils and apples, cover with the stock, then let it simmer until the fluid is gone. Turn the heat off when you put the meat in the pan.

Score the skin of the duck breast, season with salt and pepper. Heat a pan with a bit of oil, then put the breast in the pan, skin side down. Fry for about two or three minutes, turn the heat down to medium. Turn the breast and leave it for another three minutes. Depending on the thickness and how you like it, keep turning until ready. Let it rest for a minute or two, put the lentils onto plates, slice the breast and place it on the lentils, decorate with whatever you like. Voila!

Looks brilliant, but taste vile, trust me. Not the breast, but the lentils. Just watch your visitors' faces as their eyes water from the sharp sting of the vinegar and smile.

Tip: cook the lentils the same way, but without the bacon, vinegar and honey and you're in for a treat :-)