Monday, 4 April 2011

From: The diary of an iguana

Huh? Damn, another a brutal wake-up call. Though I was awake already, the sudden blinding sun irritates me every time. I blink sleepily, not daring to move. Nothing better than doze a little longer in my comfy position. It's quite warm; I like that. A quick look around shows me that I'm not going to be disturbed any time soon, which fills me with relief. I need my time to wake up properly and I do that in stages. First, I lay here for a while, then I change position, move to the other part of my home where I have a good overview of my surroundings. Feet back, tightly along my body, I doze off again.
When I open my eyes next, I feel the urge to fill my stomach, but first things first, I need to lay under the sun, my favourite place. I can spend ages being lazy. Hourly enjoyment of doing nothing but snoozing, interrupted by eating and well, being disturbed by her. With an inner sigh, I get up and drag myself onto the level below. A tail is a great asset, you can basically slide down without losing you balance. Now it's only a few steps to lower myself again. Feet into a comfortable position, head neatly moulded into the gap, I wait for the ugly creature to drop by.
Man, am I bored! I glance straight ahead and wonder who this intruder might be. I lift myself to show him who is bigger. It's a male of my kind and he talks to me, tells me to leave. Has he lost his marbles? This is my house and I won't go anywhere. I'll show you, my friend and with one leap I am snout-to-snout with him. Not that it scares him. He continues to threaten me. What an idiot! Surely, a quick bite will do the trick? But I'm brutally stopped by something hard. Ouch! Why is it that I can't see what's usually in this place? Normally there is big light and moving things, which makes it interesting to lie here.
And I can watch her doing nothing. Seems our lives aren't as different. She just sits in one position and stares at something for the better part of the day. Sometimes, she will look up and make funny noises. I then tell her quickly that she should stay away. Which, of course, she doesn't.
As if she has heard my thoughts, she appears where the intruder was beforehand and the proximity of her, combined with the anger of being disturbed makes me want to sink my teeth into her flesh. But before I am ready to attack, she's gone. This is a good sign. I don't move as I'm standing right in the place where she drops the mouth watering greens.
Hurry up, is all I can think. There, eventually she comes. Oh my gosh, this looks great! I'm so excited I almost fall into the food. I can't wait and dig my head directly into the rustling thing that contains the leaves. Heaven! No, no, no! Stop tickling and tugging at me! I really want to bite her, but I love eating more. And the orange stuff, and the red stuff. I bite into one of them, but it moves away, confused, I give it another go, with the same result. Reluctant food? One more time and finally I got this sweet and juicy thing. I want more!
The creature makes funny noises again and comes very close with her mouth. I stop what I'm doing and snap at her. Just to warn her off, I let out a quick hiss. It does the job. She retreats and walks away, but...only to come back with what I've decided is sort of an enemy.
Gee, can't an iguana just finish his meal in peace? No! It now rains, pisses down to be frank and I can't see anything. Where's a shelter when you need one? I try to fight the thing she waves in front of me, but the rain doesn't stop. Ha! I will pay you back soon, I feel it coming: filling the front, something in back must go and here it comes. Ah, what a relief!
With that, I'm shushed away from where I am and reluctantly, I follow, one eye on the remaining food. After a few moments, my slave has cleaned up and sits in her favourite spot, which assures me it's safe to return to the feeding spot. I tuck into the rest, tell her what I think of her, then make my way back to have a snooze under the sun. I love my life.


  1. I like the line,
    "Man am I bored."
    i like the idea that iguanas and other animals sit around
    in a bored sort of lethargy. as if they are waiting for
    some better idea.

  2. Hi, Joseph

    I often wonder what he thinks. I guess, he's quite happy having me around and being his personal entertainment, but I wish I had the space to have a group of iguanas, so he can 'comminicate' with them.

    Sorry for the typos and stray apostrophes, first draft-issue. As usual :-)