Sunday 27 May 2012

I declare war to making love. A rant

You read correctly, I hate 'making love'. Not the act itself, that would just be silly, but the term. Making love? I'm sick to my teeth reading it in novels. What's wrong with having sex, sleeping together, fucking, etc.? No, it seems it needs to be 'making love' and for a guaranteed projectile vomiting, best to add a sweet! Seriously? We made sweet love? Gee, can you see me shuddering here?
Yesterday, I finished a book in which I had to read 'making love' and my eyes almost came out of my sockets holding back the bile. It was just there, suddenly, unexpected and without any warning. How could I've known that the author had decided to use 'making love'? Had I known, I would have skipped that section. I find if authors feel the need to use it, they should put a warning in the blurb, saying the book contains some love making. To hit me over the head just like that, isn't part of the deal!
When I then started the next book, I was actually looking forward to, and had to read 'making love' in the opening chapter, I screamed. I kid you not. It was about midnight and I screamed! I immediately hit the delete button on my Kindle. I can't take it anymore. Why do I need to be told that the couple, freshly in love 'made love'? What else would I think? That he'd rape her, perhaps? To me it's enough to read they spend the night, because it's clear they'll have sex, that's what people do who love each other, for fuck's sake. Pun most certainly intended.
It is possible to give a reader an idea on how long, how often and how intense it is, without using 'making love'. Are you sick of 'making love', yet? See how annoying that expression is? I'm overusing it on purpose so you can share my pain.
Recently, I talked to my friends Bobby, John and Piddi about it and all of them agreed that they don't want to read it in a novel, nor do they want to hear that ever from somebody about to have sex with them.
When I suggested to ask the following next time: May I insert my penis into your vagina, please?  it got me howls of laughter. You must understand, we had a few beers.
I think I could have the greatest man before me, as soon as he'd say 'I want to make love to you,' with or without the 'sweet', I'd be running as fast as my legs can carry me.
Terrible! Terrible! Just terrible!

There. I said it. And here you have some animal porn, poor guy must be hoarse:


Now go, grab your man or your woman, or both if you like and have some serious sex. It's summer. :-)

11 comments:

  1. To each their own taste. I am writing a novel and my characters 'make love' - the first time. It's a huge emotional moment in their lives and sure, later, she grinds him and he thrusts into her and the bite and suck each other to a fare-thee-well, but that first time. It's love. And they are making it. So. Don't read my novel. I'll totally understand. :)

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    1. I'll keep my eyes peeled for a novel written by Anonymous, then. :-)

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  2. I'm all for a decent sex session *grin* though apparently some of my readers aren't ;p while many like the scenes I have one pointed review saying 'could have done without the sex scenes'. Oh well! Can't please'em all ;p

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    1. Hi, Nicole.

      Decent sex scene when necessary to the plot, fine. If not, I'd omit them. But even when I omit them, I'd never use the phrase 'we made love'. It's just terrible. How can you make love? It already exists. haha.

      What I'm trying to say it, that if the scene setting is romantic, then I gather they'll sleep together and not go to knit jumpers.

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    2. I agree :) which is why I had none in book one, I like my characters having time to develop their relationship to just that, a relationship. I'm not into gratuitous sex scenes unless of course it is erotica *grin* But a good smex scene (as one of my fav reviewers calls it) between characters who've been working to that stage. Can be most satisfying ;D

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  3. You would appear to be good company. I recall that Paul Fussell was fed up with "making love" as example of middle-class bogus-elegant euphemism at least as far back as 1982.. "...[the middle class].. has virtually legislated that the rest of us make love rather than what we used to do." He saw it as part of a whole family of euphemisms that speakers aiming at precise meaning would best avoid. Others of the genre:

    "And of course among the middle is where you hear false teeth called dentures, the rich called the wealthy, and dying being called passing away...Drunks are people with alcohol problems, the stupid are slow learners or underachievers, madness is mental illness, drug use is drug abuse, the crippled are the handicapped (sometimes, by a euphemism of a euphemism, the challenged), a slum is the inner city, and a graveyard is a cememter or (among those more susceptible to advertising, a memorial park)."

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    1. Now that's very neat, Dr., and it seems I'm a little late with my complaint. :-)

      Though I don't care if it's 'making love' or 'make love', I despise both phrases.
      Isn't it interesting how speech/language changes over time?

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  4. Love making is for faint hearted! : D

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    1. LOL Hi, Hannah. Nothing wrong with making it, but do I need to read it? No! I've asked around, people of several ages, none of them said they've ever said to someone 'they made love' the other night. So why do authors constantly use that damn phrase? Urgh!

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  5. This was so funny....and I'm with you,Stella. This is why writers like Jong and Krantz were so much to read....great stories and spicy sex scenes. I can also say that sex scenes with out good character development,plot lines and a reason for the coupling is rather pointless as well.

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    1. Oops. Didn't see the comment.

      Hi, Michael. I'm not really into steamy sex scenes either. Most of them are just dreadful. I mean, keep it short and not go over pages with it. And I also don't like biology lesson. lol

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