Tip of the week: editing, do it yourself

Time for another Tip of the week and today, I want to hand out a few tips on self-editing, on the how to tighten your writing and find overused phrases, as well as editing for logic.
Every writer has them, those tendencies to overuse a particular phrase; and every writer will put some small inconsistencies they will only catch with a bit of distance or when a reader points them out.
As an editor it's my job to point out those issues mentioned below. They are small things making a big difference if tackled.



Overused phrasing: 
It's one of the most difficult tasks to avoid repetition. I recently was more than annoyed with a book that contained so many latches I was dizzy. The challenge is trying to find other ways of describing the action.
He grabbed, he held on to her, closed his fingers around her wrist/arm, reached for her wrist, she tried to shake him off, but he wouldn't let go, etc.
I am guilty of overusing grins in No Wings Attached. After a friend told me about it, I cut them down severely.
A useful tool to find out if you're overusing a word/phrase is to search for it with the Find & Replace tool in Word. You'd be surprised what you'll find.

Logic & tightening:
What I see a lot in beginners' writing is the following:

Walking into the kitchen, she opened a fridge. She took out the milk and poured it into her coffee. Taking a sip, she mumbled, 'I simple can't believe that.'

Not only is it really annoying to read, it's also impossible, unless the kitchen is a fridge or so tiny that she could do both at the same time. Neither is talking that complete sentence while taking a sip. She can either talk or take a sip, or take a sip, then talk.
One of the most hilarious examples was: Running down the stairs she pulled on her jeans. 
Seriously? I'd like to see that stunt.
Check your manuscript for those often rather funny sentences.

The next example is perfectly fine:
Cleaning the kitchen, she listened to the radio. 

A few years ago, I read something like this:

It was completely dark, the backyard only lit by a dim light.

Then it wasn't completely dark, because it would mean no light at all. The first part isn't necessary to describe the scene. The backyard was only lit by a dim light.

Another example on tightening:

'As if that is necessary,' she grumbled. She wasn't in a good mood.

The second part becomes redundant as she's grumbling, so it's clear to the reader she's not chirpy.

I'm currently reading a book where I witnessed some action that'll be repeated later. A person dies, an investigation takes place, they search the house, interview the people who live in the house, etc.
Later on, I'm being retold through a dialogue the MC has with another character. Totally unnecessary. I was there, I saw the investigation, I heard them being interviewed, hell, I even witnessed the person die.
A simple: He filled her in, he told her what has happened, he described the event to her, etc. would be enough.
Okay, hope that'll give you some food for thoughts.
As usual, if you have anything else to add, feel free to comment; I'm sure others will be grateful.

The problems with conflicting advice

I've discussed this issue on a writers' forum yesterday. Though I think editing, rewriting and tweaking is essential, I see a lot of writers having difficulties with conflicting advice. Thinking back to my early days, I had comments on my book on what to change, what to delete, what to pad, etc. I personally was relatively sure what I wanted and didn't get confused; my story hasn't changed one bit, but I see others change their ms after each comment they receive, often until it's beyond recognition.
The problem is: it's all down to preference. Someone doesn't like first person, present tense, don't go and change the whole book into past tense. Some think a particular scene could be deleted, some don't. I guess what I'm saying is that you have to stick to your guns, trust yourself, listen to the advice and ponder, but don't change everything that someone suggests, unless it really makes sense and you love it even more after the changes.
Many beginners are insecure and listen far too often to others than to their instincts. People talk differently, in different speech patterns, the more you try to please those who criticise, the more you're losing your voice. 
I, for instance, have sent out my literary fiction novel to five people. Two only wanted to do me a favour, but it was clearly not for them, one got back with suggestions that would alter the whole concept of the book, one got back with excellent suggestions and the confirmation for what I had the feeling might be wrong: it lacks 'excitement' in the middle part, and one loved it so much to actually pass it on to an editor who loves it equally.
I've had men and women reading the book and I got valuable feedback from all five readers. It helps to know your writing, your voice and to see where the changes might affect it. Step back from your ms and think as a reader for a while, would you be excited by the book or do you think it could be improved? Get advice from a hand full of people and take every comment into account. I've once posted an excerpt on facebook and someone went to rewrite the whole scene. Though well-meant it wasn't my voice anymore.
What I look for are suggestions that make the story stronger, not the voice. Some people who mean well, but don't know how to critique will start fiddling with your wordings, change your vocabulary and the way you write in general and they will start correcting each other; if you start listening to those, you'll easily lose your voice by changing it back an forth. 
Same goes for the so-called 'rules' in writing. Some people will try to edit everything out of your manuscript, adverbs are not bad, you just need to keep them under control. I see those 'rules' as guidelines, not as set-in-stone rules to follow. Though you should know the 'rules' to break them. 
Best is to have mentor who will teach but doesn't influence you.

Boy was I in for a shock!

If you're following my blog, you are aware of my opinion about making your book as good as possible and don't publish before you have been through editing and proofing several times. I've been banging on about my book being spotless -- I'm a perfectionist and not to practice what I preach would make me a big fat hypocrite, wouldn't it? Yes. Now I've had three people telling me that my novel No Wings Attached is riddled with awkward sentences that don't make sense on top of the usual errors (spelling, typos, etc.). I was gutted! Of course I was, because I know my grammar needs attention, hence I asked around who can help me smoothing out my Germish, as I call it lovingly. I'm writing in second language and though I'm pretty good, it's far from perfect. I know I need someone native who fixes the syntax. And of course, after correcting the corrections, I know I need someone to pick up the errors that sneak in when you take a sentence apart, add words, delete others, etc., plus the usual errors like quotes, commas, spelling and punctuation. So I've had help for both, but when I received that review, I was in for a shock and quite frankly I was more than annoyed.
Please don't understand this as a post to blame, it's not. It's about my experience and to share what I've learned and what I would advise others, especially if you write in second language. I'm extremely lucky to have friends who kindly offered to help me, both natives and absolutely wonderful people. The first went through my book eliminating my Germish, she told me I would need someone to go through the book afterwards, to which I replied, yes, I've got someone who will do that. The mistake I made was to assume she's done ALL the syntax/odd phrasing, which she didn't. That had a snowball-effect: I went to the next person and said, please only look at spelling or typos, missed commas, etc. A clear instruction which she followed. After that was done, I went through the ms in a 7-hour-session and found some more things (missed quotes, capital/lower cases, spaces, etc.) Then, I was sure the book's perfect. But one reader, a German friend, found about twenty more things, which I gratefully accepted and corrected. Finally, I thought, my novel is error free!

As the recent review shows, it's not, the reviewer said, "as there were a lot of spelling and grammatical errors. If I weren't reading it on a Kindle, I would have taken a red pen to it myself. The phrasing and conversation structure was awkward". I first assumed it's the BE spelling, which concerns a lot of Americans, but after checking with her, that was not the case. I wasn't very happy as you can imagine, neither was I about the 'editor' comment, since I'm only editing plot, pace, voice, characters and steer well clear from grammar, except dialogue attributes or the odd comma, for the obvious reasons. I will explain the process of publishing, editors, proof-reading, etc in a different post as there are still some misconceptions of who is doing what.

After I've re-gained my calm, I'm working with another friend on the issue. This time, I made very clear what I wanted/needed. Since I'm writing in second language I can't control things as I could with editing. I have to trust blindly. If I cook a bolognese and ask someone else to season it, I would be able to say if it's overly salted or needs a bit more. That, I can't do with English. If I knew how it's done correctly, I would've done it myself. What I'm trying to say is to be clear with people, tell them what you want, ask them what they have done and where they think it needs more work. I don't support the need for a professional editor/proof-reader for those things, every educated native English person is able to pick up on awkward sentence structures. I know this because I've done that the other way round. But please make sure you get your book double checked, either by another beta-reader or another friend. And if you have someone who's really good with grammar and knows something about dialogue attributes, that's enough, too.

One person said, just put a note on the book that it's written in second language, which I argued against. I'm trying to sell my book for hard money, and that's not the solution. Same goes for the comment another person made, "What are they complaining about? They paid a low price," to which I argued, that's no excuse! As soon as I sell a book it has to be free of errors. I want my readers to enjoy the story and not to feel tempted to pull out a red pen -- let alone the effect it has on my reputation. For the time being, I've stopped promoting No Wings Attached as I'm rather embarrassed about the whole situation. I can't unpublish it without losing all the reviews; readers love the story, the characters, the romance and the twists and turns. I think I can call myself lucky that someone had the heart to point out the mistakes so I can fix them and give readers the reading experience they deserve: being lost in a world I created witout being pulled out of it by errors.

What is 'conflict' in a novel?

I need to get something off my chest here. Since I'm a published author I sent my books out to reviewers. Either to pure readers or to sites that specialise in reviews. Though I'm very lucky, certainly super relieved and proud to have received excellent reviews for both of my books, one thing left me puzzled a few times: a few reviewers of No Wings Attached mentioned that the conflict could have come earlier, one would have to read very far to get to it. With all due respect; I hasten to disagree.
The conflict is that Tom, being a non-human wish-consultant, is not allowed to fall in love with his very human client Celia. He constantly walks a thin line and she's got no clue. The ramifications for him developing emotions are unknown. I think that's a pretty huge conflict, one might beg to differ, but that's the whole concept of the book and I'm really confused how people cannot see it.

After a bit of thinking I came to the conclusion that people just misunderstand the concept of 'conflict'. It's said you have to have one in your book; many readers/writers/reviewers seem to think it means to have a big argument/fight between characters. That's certainly a form, but not what I refer to.

Here are a few examples of conflict:

• Married women falls in love with another guy


• Married husband develops a crush on another man, finds out he's gay.


• Prison psychologist falls for inmate


• Teacher falls for pupil


• Boss falls for employee


• Raped woman falls pregnant and wants to keep the child, others disagree


• Very religious person falls in love with an atheist

Now the not so easy to see conflicts:

• Woman has trust issues after abusive past


• Boy starts to go off the rails after parents die in accident


• Girl loses her sight and has to learn to adapt


• Man finds out the wife is cheating he has troubles to come to terms with it


• Main character learns about terminal illness


• Loner meets someone and struggles with his being withdrawn, trying to break free

Fight scenes and arguments are not the conflicts any editor refers to, they are merely the results of the actual conflicts.

Am I famous now?

Probably not, but I've had

visitors on this very blog. They came from all over the world, many leave wonderful comments, start discussions, give feedback or just say hello. It's rather wonderful and I'm chuffed. I started the blog as a platform for my writing, but it has become so much more. It's about my experience as a writer and editor, as a keeper of one feisty iguana, a resource for quick, easy and delicious recipes as well as my take on life in general.

Many people find me through search engines, seeking advice on iguanas, a lot seem to like Spaghetti Bolognese and I've also quite a few visitors searching for tips on writing.

I will continue to post regularly and that with gusto.

Thank you, everyone, who has visited, contributed, recommended and come back.

I love you dearly.

Are your scenes believable?

For most of us who write fiction it's plain fun; you can create a world, a story, characters and scenes, anything you would like to do or anyone you would like to be or meet. It's fantastic, isn't it?

So far, so good. But since we're not writing from memory, meaning something that happened to us, we rely on imagination. A lot. Especially in genres like Fantasy or Science Fiction we have to make sure that it's believable, realistic and logical. In a world that doesn't exist, the reader wants to be convinced that everything that's happening could be reality. Let's take my novel No Wings Attached as an example. My character Celia hears a voice, she turns around and looks at different people, anyone could have said something, as it always happens in public places, either in the supermarket, in the park or in the pub. If she would have been at home and hear voices, it would take the suspense away, make it unrealistic. Well, maybe not entirely, but then she'd be a case for the straight jacket.

Recently, I edited a friend's manuscript; he had a character in need to get out of a dangerous situation and the possibility to do so via a device, but my friend let his character hesitate for ten seconds, which would have been enough to be killed, so I recommended him to let him hesitate for only two seconds, which would be enough to shout a command and escape. Try counting slowly till ten, it's a long time.
Little things like that let readers stumble.

If you have a character that can jump (beam) from place to place and it's not wise to let him or her appear in a public place and walk around as if nothing happened. I bet you would be rather surprised, if not shocked if someone appears out of thin air in front of you. So check on how you would react and transfer it into your scene. Screaming, kids pointing at the person, fainting, running away in panic, people taking pictures, etc.
Think Superman, who always appears in an empty street. 

Same goes for books like romance or crime, thriller.
In case you  have a murder, what would happen in reality? How would the procedure be?
When an airplane drops out of the sky after one engine exploded and it's torn into half, what would the scenario be like? Would the air-hostess really make an announcement that they're about to die and everyone needs to remain calm? Try to imagine how naked  panic creeps up the passengers and crew, try to hear them screaming, crying, reaching for their safety kits.

The husband has a stroke in the shower, the wife comes in and finds him on the floor bleeding heavily because he's hit his head hard. Instead of calling an ambulance, she's trying to wake him up, cries and strokes his face.
Would you behave like that? Of course not, you would do it the other way round: first call the ambulance, then attend to the person.

If you try to feel and think like your character, then you should be able to make your scenes real, meaning fiction turns into reality for the reader, and that's what he or she asks for.

How to inject emotions without looking like a beginner

A friend of mine recently forwarded a rejection letter he received for one of his books. The agent's reason was that the book lacked emotions, something I've been telling him for a while, but he didn't want to listen, so he learned the hard way.

I told him to get a huge syringe of emotions and inject it into the writing and scenes where needed. His answer was that he then would have to use adverbs a lot and he didn't want that. This got me thinking. Do writer really think that using adverbs are the only way to showcase emotions? Personally, I don't use them a lot and still manage to bring emotions across. Here are a few examples of how to change lazy writing (adverbs) into a more skillful one:


Example 1: "I wonder if you would go out for dinner with me?" he asked shyly. 
"I wonder if you would go out for dinner with me?" he looked down.
"I wonder if you would go out for dinner with me?" he asked, playing with his car key.
He shuffled with his feet, then mumbled, "I wonder if you would go out for dinner with me?"
"I wonder if you would go out for dinner with me." Is he blushing? she thought, how cute!


Example 2: "Did you even listen?" she asked, angrily.
There was no point in hiding her anger. "Did you even listen?"
"Did you even listen?" her voice was full of anger.
"Did you even listen?" her question mirrored her anger.
"Did you even listen?" Wow, he thought, she really is angry.

Example 3: "Hey, it's not my fault," he replied, defensively.
"Hey, it's not my fault," he replied, holding up his hands (in defence).
He listened for a moment, then crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Hey, it's not my fault."
He shook his head and shrugged. "Hey, it's not my fault."

Of course those are just some examples. Emotions can be displayed by a lot of things. If a MC is sad, then they can cry, tears build up, spill over, shy people look down, away, shuffle their feet, hide their hands, bite their lips, play with something in their hands, stammer, etc. Angry people make fists, shake them, their voices change, their facial expression changes, their temples pulsate, etc.

I'm in no way saying adverbs done have a place in writing, and some just can't be replaced, but there are always ways around it. Each time when you are about to write one, try to play with the sentence and with the scene, you will be surprised how many you can actually swap for a much better description.

If you have some more examples, please feel free to add.

On starting with back story

I can't believe I've done it myself! Since ages I told everyone whose opening I read and contained too much back story, not to do it, to web it in, to introduce it slowly and bit by bit, but ignored my own advice.

The reason being is that I've never written a sequel. I'm sure I wouldn't have done it with a new book, but the sequel is a different animal entirely. I created a scene with four people talking to each other, and two people, who are absent, introduced in the first 400 words. Now that's what I call tight writing, tight, but wrong.
I had a feeling it might be too much information and back story crammed into the opening and got the confirmation from a friend I sent it to. Nothing I couldn't fix easily, but something that shows once again, as writers we need feedback, best in the early stages to avoid big rewrites.

Sequels need to be able to stand alone, so while back story is important, it shouldn't have the function of a teaser for the other books in a series. It's a challenge to connect the books without going too deep into what happened in the first one. But you need to introduce the characters to readers who start with the second book.
Since I'm experiencing this now for the first time, I take my hat off to every single author who's managed that effortlessly.

I'll also have the task to go deeper into some of the characters that played minor roles in the first book, plus I'll add some more characters, especially for the dark side. Keeping the balance between romantic comedy and paranormal will be a lot harder for the sequel, I want to keep the light tone of the first book, the wonderful intimate moments between Celia and Tom, but without repeating them.

Well, something positive came out of it: he liked the writing and the scene itself. Go, me! ;-)