Sunday, 28 April 2013

Dear self-published author,

I don't care if you think your, your friend's, your husband's, your sister's, or your dog's book is the best thing ever been written; I'm not interested in reading it as I'm 99% sure that I'd stop reading after a few chapters. You know what really bothers me? People like you, who feel challenged by my statements that I'm done reading self-published books; and that you, cocky as you are, offer me a copy for free so I can waste even more time reading more drivel. You see, I doubt that your, your friend's, your husband's, your sister's, or your dog's book will be the book that grabs me by my throat and keeps me glued to my Kindle; the book that steals my sleep, or, when I wake up, has me excited to read on; the book that has me forget the world around me, leaving me dazzled when I'm forced to put it down when being dragged into the real world; the book that is the exception to the rule, the book that wakens the desire to tell everyone about it. Why can't you just accept that I'm done with self-published books after deleting more than I'd ever thought I would? Why do you have to try to convince me that I need to read your, your friend's, your husband's, your sister's, your dog's book? And what would you do if I read it and hated it? Huh? Or if I found all those little things that make self-published books unreadable for me? Tell me, what would you do then?
Quite frankly I don't care how much you love said book, or how many positive reviews it received, I'm not interested in reading it, got it?
And why, Indie author, do you feel the need to message me on Facebook, telling me that you've seen my comment about your book, which really was criticising your editor, who recommended it in the first place, and who did a marvellous job messing up the manuscript with so many italics and ellipses that even reading the opening made me dizzy, to tell me that you'll upload a newly edited version soon, suggesting I'd give it another chance? I'll let you in on an open secret: those kind of approaches don't sit well with me and have the opposite effect, and no, trying to be my friend won't lead to my changing my mind. I'm selective when it comes to my Facebook friends; authors usually mean spam fests and that's the last thing I want.
There, I said it. Thank you for your time and attention.

Best regards,



  1. I hear what you say and I know what you mean - love it, Stella!

    1. Hey, Nick.

      Just couldn't help it. Everyone knows I'm exaggerating a little in every rant, but the quintessence is easy to grasp.