Thursday, 27 June 2013

What were you thinking?

Hello, Universe, do you have a minute or two? Great, because I had a shite day and I'd like to get something off my chest. If you don't mind, I'm having a w(h)ine now.
You know I'm eternally thankful that you lay the grounds for my becoming an author and editor; despite having a break from writing, I know there are still enough novels slumbering in me and they will, at some point, demand their way out. 
But, I'm wondering what warped sense of humour you must possess to have made me meet Shawn and fall head over heels for him? I mean, what the fuck? Seriously. Okay, I've loved cycling all my life and my bikes always meant the world to me, but this? Of course I'm enjoying the change from mountain bike to road bike, and I haven't looked back, but you are aware that I'm shoulder-deep in bicycle parts, tools I never knew even existed, and when I spoke about bottom brackets with a handy man today, he shook his head, saying it's going way over his head.
Personal progress aside: Do you know how frustrating it is to have three complete bikes and none of them is in perfect working order? Do you know how annoying it is to not know how to fix them yourself, even though you want to? And how much I want to scream when people, working at a bike shop, look at either a hub or bottom bracket of a 1976 Viscount, scratching their heads, saying they've never seen something like that in their life and don't know what to do with it? I've been the, admittedly proud, owner of Shawn since end of April but,  for the past two weeks, he's been sadly abandoned, because he was suffering major bottom bracket illness--one I couldn't fix since I had no idea how. In the meantime I had to acquire another Viscount since I need to get around London, you see? I also have another Viscount frame sitting in my bedroom, waiting to be brought back to life, and another frame is with a wonderful man, who's doing some CPR to it. Now this also costs a lot of money, you see? Money I don't necessarily have. But you, Universe, have a devillish merry time to make me go through all the suffering a non-experienced bike owner, now wanting to become a mech, apparently needs to go through. No need to ask you if you think it's funny; I can hear your laughter from there, wherever that is!
Up to yesterday, I was quite enjoying my new 'calling', but today, you went overboard, throwing some more obstacles in my way--for good measure, I assume--so that I not only hurt myself (the wrist's now swollen, I hope you're happy), but also question what I'm doing here, covered in grease. Thankfully, as I just learned, you only gave me a scare and I assembled the bottom bracket correctly, with the two grooves on the right side, but did you think it necessary, after two hours of hard work getting the job done, to make me give up because I only have a rubbish spanner to fit the cranks? Or was it you telling me that the work on the BB isn't done yet? Thanks a bunch. Had you made it slide in smoothly and right in place, this wouldn't have been necessary.
Yes, I'd love to be the woman, when it comes to Viscount bicycles, but can't you make it a tad easier for me? Can't you see, I'm working hard, learning fast and am trying my very best to get up to speed with all the information I can gather. Do you always have to make it so much harder for me? How about you throw a little bit of magic in my direction? That would be much appreciated.

Thanks in advance. Tomorrow, I'll expect for everything to go easy. In fact, I'd like for the rest of my life to be a doddle. How's that, eh? And while you're at it, I'd like a few more grand so I can get some proper tools to get the jobs done. Don't forget one of those beautiful crank sets I'm after, okay, preferably with a bike attached to it. Just thought I'd mention it.

Chardonnay cheers,


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